susan templeton

#4: Question Your Beliefs!

Most people consider financial stability and security as accepted goals. Our beliefs around money are closely tied to how we feel about ourselves. 

As our nation became increasingly wealthy, our ability to overproduce gave way to conspicuous consumption. We now consume far more than we produce and must import many goods to meet our desires. We tend to equate consumption with ‘success’ and success with ‘security’. 

Here’s an exercise borrowed from Byron Katie* to help you reflect on your views about security:

Try stating this (or any belief) out loud: “I need money (or whatever) to feel secure.” 

Ask: Is It True? The only important view is your own.  Reflect how much you really need. Does having money make you really feel any more secure? Or does the endless pursuit of money just make you tired and anxious? 

Now say it again: “I need money to feel secure” 

Ask: Can you absolutely know that this is true? Just reflect on this again and see you it feels this time. Is your need for security really satisfied by stacking up money and things?  What does security feel like really? 

Say it once more: “I need money to feel secure” 

Ask: How do you react when you believe that thought? Does your body tense up? Does your emotional state change? Notice how you feel when you think that you need money to feel OK about your life. Then just let yourself imagine how you would feel without any money at all.  What would that be like to have no urgent pressures to meet your financial obligations every month? Can you imagine how different your life would be? Can you recall a time when you felt just fine and not fixated on money?

This time say: “I no longer need money to feel secure”. 

Ask: Who would you be without that belief? Consider what your life is like now and compare it to what it might be without that urgent need to succeed financially. Just imagine feeling free to walk out the door every morning not caring if you had a dime to your name. Can you imagine feeling abundant and fully happy regardless of your bank balance? Could you feel worthwhile without owning things? 

My question: Will You Thrive or Just Survive This Economy? Perhaps it is time to start asking if we have built beliefs around bank account balances or home sizes that don’t match our real needs. It was no so long ago that our ancestors happily lived in a one room sod hut on the prairie. I am not questioning the value of owning a three bedroom home! Homes are wonderful places to create your life on your own terms. I just know many of us have equated ‘success’ with ‘excess’ and dearly paid for the experience.

As we watch American Idol and Homes of the Rich and Famous on television just ask yourself: What is this doing to our psyches? Are we building up impossible images that create unrealistic ideals and beliefs? Do your children think they deserve the lastest gizmos and become addicted to upgrades? Perhaps I sound a bit old fashioned. My grandparents saved tin foil in a ball during the Great Depression. They raised their own chickens and made their own butter and started their daily chores before dawn and lived ripe old ages. Would returning to simpler times be so terrible?

Does a luxurious mansion make you happy or does your being a happy person make having such a home just a nicer place to live? And if stressing out about making the mortgage payments or maintaining your property is wearing you down it’s time to reassess your vision.

The return to sound lending guidelines is based on keeping your expenses within a manageable range. Happy, well balanced home owners make better clients. Happier home owners also build more healthy communities with enough room and services for all.

While asking such questions may seem antithical for a mortgage lender, please understand that I don’t enjoy seeing people anxious about how they will pay their mortgage. It is really NOT my job to ‘sell’ you more loan than you can afford within reason.

Tough lessons: A few years ago, an elderly couple approached me for a mortgage they could clearly not afford. I asked them how they intended to make payments as they got older. They looked at me like I was being a spoilsport to ask such hard questions and I denied their application. A couple of years later, I was called upon again, to help that same couple avoid foreclosure. Another bank had lent them that money for investments. Their investments had failed. Thank goodness they had just enough equity in their home for a Reverse Mortgage to pay off their hounding creditors so they might stay in their home. It was quite a fight. I could see their health had been affected by the stress of a few short years. I am just thankful we were able to save their home. Reverse Mortgages have saved many home owners over 62 from drawing down their dwindling pensions too early or worse circumstances.

In recent years, I have watched people in financial distress fight against their beliefs of a sense of entitlement to ‘The American Dream’ until they were literally whipped trying to service their debts. In several cases, once they pulled the ‘ego plug’ and agreed to file for bankruptcy or list their home for short sale their burdens literally lifted. Confusion and worry is abusive and painful. Being aware and clear about your financial needs and limits is so much easier.

*Credits: I have freely borrowed these Ideas from Byron Katie, a noted philosopher and therapist. Katie has a unique way of imparting ideas so I suggest watching her videos more than once with an open mind:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E7a9XLEQBc&NR=1

Celebrate living within your means! Loannetter